Hello, Officer

As the RA washed her face I leaned against  the door frame, waiting. 

 I did not move when the RA came out of the bathroom and started half yelling for everyone to put their clothes on. 

 I did not move when she started handing out paper towels for people to clean themselves with. 

But I did move when I saw two officers walking down the hall towards me.  

I was exhausted and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.  My head was throbbing, and my body felt strangely sore and unresponsive.  I tried to look like I was upset that my room was turned into a party and that I was far too innocent to be involved in any illegal activities.  I hoped I didn’t smell too much like vomit and alcohol, but then realized I was standing in close range to a cesspool of bodily fluids.  

The officers walked into the room, surveyed the scene, and called for back- up.  I don’t really remember what they said, but they asked everyone to line up outside the room against the wall.  I stood apart from everyone else, not wanting to be associated with these shenanigans.  One by one they began to cuff everyone, and more police officers showed up just in time to supply extra cuffs and zip ties.

 I moved closer to the RA hoping that would keep me from getting arrested.  It worked.

“Are you the one that discovered the scene?” asked the officer.

“Yes”

“Well I need to get a statement of what happened, maybe you can tell me what you saw when you came in the room?”

“Uh….ok…..” My brain struggled to form words, to remember the first part of the atrocity I had walked into.  I apologized, using my tiredness as an excuse. He nodded understandingly, and then looked at me suspiciously.

“Young lady, did you partake in any of the activities going on in that room tonight?”

I started thinking about drinking at the bar, throwing up on that douche bag, stumbling to the diner…..

“No, sir” 

“Good, now do you have another place you can stay tonight? I don’t think that room is fit for staying in tonight.” At that moment the RA barged in and said I could sleep in her room.  She had a sleeping bag I could use and sleep on the floor.  She sounded like a small child who had made her first friend.

“I live locally, so I’ll just go stay at my parents’ house tonight, officer.”  He seemed very satisfied with that response, but the RA looked visibly rejected, as if I had just vomited in her face too.

At that moment, I didn’t even care. Fuck the dorms.  Fuck Cary and her orgy.

I went in the room with some hesitation and a lot of breath holding.  I opened the window, pulled out an overpriced suitcase my parents bought me,  and began to pack all of my things into it; clothes, books, laptop, my secret stash of, uh, medicine, and some other essentials.  I was exhausted, nauseous from the smell, and too hung over to deal with this shit.

Fuck this, I’m going to the Four Seasons.